My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
