We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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