those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
