recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want nice things and good sex
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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