Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
