watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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