i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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