I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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