I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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