you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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