The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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