Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
