im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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