Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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