Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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