I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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