neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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