Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
