Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's never too late to be topless.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
