yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
