When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do vagina's smell?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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