I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
