i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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