This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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