She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
