He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
one might say we're banned from that church
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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