I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
