im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Randomize
