just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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