Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
