that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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