I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
