The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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