DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
