I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
