I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
