party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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