how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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