How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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