I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
