Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
