im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
