who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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