My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
