Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
