I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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