I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
