Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
4 words: hood of his car
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
