Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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