Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
