I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
