girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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