watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There are leaves in my underwear?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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