just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
